I feel as if I write this all the time, but seriously, where is time going? How is it that we all experience this and yet there is nothing we can do about it? Could someone please invent a contraption to slow or stop special moments in time? I guarantee it would go for top dollar!
Recently Ruby and I went on a walk right after dropping off my older son, Kenton at school and before the heat of early September arrived. As we walked, ran, and skipped along the path, I pushed her stroller. One of my hands guided the stroller while the other firmly held my daughter’s wiggly hand. An older woman approached us going in the opposite direction. We all smiled at one another and said, “good morning” as if on cue from a conductor. After focusing her gaze on us, she remarked, “You have your hands full there.” I replied with an expression of a tired mom in agreement, “Yes, I know.” I followed it up with a little laugh. “Enjoy it.” She paused and then lowered her eyes to the ground. She then said, “Enjoy it while you have it.” Her words hung in the air as our interaction finished just as quickly as it had begun. I repeated her words in my mind as I walked. Her words were words of experience. Her words were words of knowing. She knew what my future had instore for me. She knew this moment in time, like all of our moments, would not remain forever. Just like the changing leaves on the path we walked, they too would be a thing of the past. A new season would arrive and what was would soon be a distant memory. I wanted to say to her, “I do want to enjoy it. I truly do! Every day I strive to enjoy it, but it’s hard, long, tiring, and sometimes lonely. Sometimes my hands are too full. Sometimes I angrily respond to my child after repeating myself for what feels like a million times. Sometimes I place more responsibility and expectations on my children then they are ready for. Sometimes I fail as a parent. Yes! I want to enjoy it and I hear you, but I’ll never fully grasp the gravity of those two words until I am saying it to another younger, tired, unprepared mother who is just like me.” I wonder how she would have responded if I really did say what my heart was feeling. I can’t be certain, but I think she would have given me a hug. I know what my little two-year-old daughter would have said, “It’s okay mommy. Take a nap.” Take a nap is her cure for any sad moment. Her little mind is a wonder. And her advice is good. We all need a moment of rest to reset and refocus our minds. I should probably listen to my kids more often!
As we continued to walk, I reminded myself that no moment in time will be perfectly perfect. What I must do is look for the beauty in the present. What is happening right now is what matters. What can I do right now to find happiness and contentment? Is there something I can actively do to improve my current state?
For the past few years, I’ve worked to focus attention on my facial expressions. I know, this sounds funny but stay with me here. When I am out in public, I remind myself to put a smile on my face even if I do not feel like it. Please know, I am not telling you to be a fake robot with a creepy smile on your face all the time. Clearly you are human, and you are allowed to have emotions, but what I am suggesting is to practice an outward expression of pleasantness in your everyday life. Think of it like this, rather than having a resting bitch face, practice having a resting pleasant face. When my children and I go to the park, smile. When I walk through the isles at the grocery store, smile. When we walk through the zoo, smile. I am not smiling because anything externally is causing me to smile. I am internally choosing to put a smile on my face. I am presenting to the world a pleasant expression. You know what I learned during this time? First, the more you smile, the happier you begin to feel. And when you become happier, it’s easier to smile. Second, people around you will be kinder and more friendly towards you. They will have a better experience and so will you. It’s honestly a win, win situation. By smiling I am communicating to those around me what they should be feeling – happy. Why? Because I am happy. This moment we are sharing together is relaxed, pleasant, and non-threatening. Did you know you can change the vibe of the room simply by your body language? The language you choose to portray says so much about you and how you are feeling. You literally are demonstrating to others an example of what they should be experiencing. This is a powerful thing and when you tap into it it’s pretty amazing.
A few weeks ago, my son said to me, “Hey Mom, that lady was staring at you.” I replied with, “That’s okay. People can look at anyone they choose to look at.” My son will soon be nine years old and has grown more self-conscious of people’s reactions towards him. He’s more sensitive to their outward responses. If he only knew, I know this feeling all too well. Do you remember the “awkward years?” I think my whole life has been one big awkward year. If I could prepare him more, I’d say, “Get used to it buddy. People will always be judging. But your life isn’t for them. Their approval of you is none of your business. What is your business is your own interpretation of yourself. What matters is your opinion of you. Always strive for your personal best.” And then I would quote one of my favorite quotes from Steve Jobs: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma—which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”
I went on to say to him, “If you ever feel uncomfortable or awkward when people are looking at you, just stand up tall. Pull your shoulders back. And smile. We can’t hear what other people are thinking and we can’t change their interpretation of us, but we can choose how we will present ourselves to the world.” The truth is, the more you show the world you are secure and happy with yourself, the more you will feel it. And when you feel more secure from within you give yourself permission to learn, grow, and pursue your goals. This my friends, is a win, win!
Sadly, I can’t slow down time for you or myself. I can’t change your current situation. But I can remind you of your inward strength. You have so much power and potential within you. If something isn’t working for you or it is causing you pain, try something else. Believe me, trying something new is not easy. It’s hard and sometimes it’s uncomfortable. I am a creature of habit, and I love a routine, but life doesn’t always follow a routine. Take courage from within and trust yourself to do something different. The more you do this the more confident you will become. I promise you; you will be amazed at your growth over time, and you will learn to enjoy it!
How smiling affects your brain:
Smiling can trick your brain into happiness — and boost your health
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